My Adoption Story
My adoption story started about four years ago, when I found out I was pregnant… again.
I was 28-years-old, old enough to know better according to my mom. You see, I had 3 boys already and we were living in my mom’s basement. She helps me out a lot, since their dad is not in the picture.
My ex, the boys’ dad, took off when they were all under 5 years old. I thought we had a good life. Our apartment was small but it was enough for us. I worked at Walmart and he worked second shift at a furniture factory. One day he just left, said this wasn’t what he wanted and he was gone. He sends $50 every now and then, but the boys haven’t seen him in two years now.
It wasn’t long before me and my kids had to move in with my mom. It was fine at first, but it got out of hand pretty quick. My Walmart paycheck doesn’t cover daycare for 3 kids so I quit my job and we were pretty much just living on what welfare I got, which isn’t much. My mom was always super stressed about money and things started to get worse. It was rough.
A couple years went by, and finally all the boys were in school so I felt like I could go back to work. I got a better job and I finally started to see light at the end of the tunnel. I got a promotion and started to think about a time when we could move out of my mom’s house. It wasn’t right away, but I felt like it could happen in a few months.
One night, one of my old friends was in town and invited me to go out. Mom watched the kids and we went to a bar. Typical story, I met a guy and we hooked up. It was a one-time thing, I didn’t even know his last name. All I knew was his first name was Jake and he was a truck driver, just passing through. Well, you guessed it, I got pregnant.
I felt like everything I was working for was about to crash around me and I would be back where I started. My mom hit the roof! Things were getting better for all of us, and here I’m pregnant again with no guy around. We talked about abortion, but I just didn’t feel good about that.
Mom got online and started sending me some info on adoption. She even called and Lifetime Adoption sent a packet to me, with info about families who were waiting. I never in a million years thought about adoption. I was ready to struggle again to keep my baby.
But then I saw a profile book of Mike and Amy. Amy actually kind of looked like me, with auburn hair, and Mike looked like a genuinely nice guy, not that I’m a great judge of that obviously. They had two little boys already and were hoping for a big family but Amy couldn’t get pregnant again. They lived in the next state over and said they were open to keeping in touch.
I asked my coordinator at Lifetime if families were legit when they said that, or if they said it just to say it. She helped me call them and we talked about my pregnancy and about what type of contact they were open to. It was important to me, if I did adoption, that my boys could have the opportunity to know their brother. It turned out that Amy herself was adopted and wishes she had known her birth mother early on. She had met her a couple of years ago and learned she had a half-sister. That made me feel really good, like she understood.
After talking to my mom some more and my coordinator, I decided I wanted to do adoption with Mike and Amy. There were some extra questions from the lawyer about the father since I didn’t know him, but it seemed to go real smooth.
I asked Amy to be in the delivery room with me, along with my mom, and I think we all cried happy tears watching Amy hold my daughter for the first time. It was the strangest feeling, being sad that my little girl (especially after three boys!) was going to live with them, but at the same time I was so happy for Amy and Mike. It is so hard to describe in words but it almost didn’t seem real.
The first few weeks after that were rough. I had post-partum depression, or at least that is what the OB said. I think it was probably a combination of that with not having my little girl. But anytime I text, Amy would ask if I wanted a picture or to Facetime. She never said I was bothering her.
Once I went back to work, things seemed more “normal”. And I felt like I was back on track with my plan to move out of my mom’s house, although after going through this together, I think my mom and I were closer than ever!
My little girl, Alia, turned 3 a few months ago. Mom, me, and my boys all went for her birthday party. We have such an amazing relationship with Mike and Amy, and of course Alia. We get together a couple times a year, and the boys know and understand that she is their sister. They have bonded with Mike and Amy’s boys too, so when all the kids get together, it is so much fun!
I never knew adoption could be like this, it is like our family grew and there are more people to love not just my daughter, but also me and my family too!
And as for me, I finally moved out of my mom’s house. My boys and I are in a three bedroom condo and enjoying having a pool and a little more space. Mom and I are still close, and although there were some dark days after I delivered, I’ve never regretted making an adoption plan for Alia. She has the life I wish all of my kids had, and the one I’m working on providing my boys every single day.